That depends. Do you want to develop into an independent adult one day, or are you content with the idea of someone looking over your shoulder in specific aspects of your life?
That isn’t a trick question. I want you to actually ask yourself that. Because that’s what you’re doing when you tell yourself that you need someone externally to hold you accountable. Whether that’s a gym buddy, a coach to help you not eat like a jerk, or a family member who helps you to control your spending habits. You’re acknowledging that you do not have the self-control to be honest with yourself, or follow through with the things that you say you are going to do.
It’s called “being inconsistent“. And we all deal with and struggle with it in different areas of our lives at different times. For example, I am a sucker for productivity and follow through. I get all of these fantastic ideas in my head of ways I’m going to be more efficient with my time. I use a calendar app, a productivity app, a reminder app, a check-list app and I journal about my timeline throughout the day to make sure I have time to get everything done. I do all of those things because they’re tools I use to implement control about something that I think is important. I do that because I use those tools to hold myself accountable to following through with what I say I’m going to do. And they help. Sometimes.
What I’ve learned is that they’re useful tools for building momentum, but not for long term success. And I’m learning that’s because even though productivity and self-development are important to me, they’re not at the top of my list when it comes to what I value. I’ll spend a small amount of time and bandwidth working on the idea of these habits, but I never spend a LOT of time on them. Or mental energy on them. I never upgrade to the pro version of those apps (spend $ on them), or prioritize my to-do list over things like exercise, or proper nutrition or spending time with Noelle. Because while I appreciate the idea of having a regimented schedule and being hyper productive, they’re not more important to me than my relationship with my fiance, my fitness or my business. 10 times out of 10 I put those last three things first, before anything else.
Because I truly VALUE them. And they’re important to me. And no matter how much I say that I want to create this predictable, repeatable, habitual day of checking off “tasks”, I will always put Noelle and CrossFit before anything else.
If you have to constantly ask someone else to hold you accountable to do the things you say you WANT or NEED to do, take a step back.
Get out of the trees. Get some perspective and stop being lost in the woods.
Look at the forest. Ask yourself,
“Why do I care about doing this thing I say is important to me?” Is it actually important to me if I have to constantly ask other people to hold my hand?
Probably not. And that’s okay, once you acknowledge it. After you’ve acknowledged it, you can start having a real conversation with yourself or your coach / friend. Why isn’t it important to you? Should it be? If so, we need to dig deeper into the importance of whatever you say you care about and figure out what level of understanding you need to establish inside before it actually resonates with you. Until then, it’s going to continue reflecting a rollercoaster ride and you’re going to continue experiencing inconsistent progress.
I think accountability is a useful tool to build momentum. I think it’s a valuable concept to create habits and build a foundation for something that is important to you. But eventually, you have to genuinely want something for it to become self-fulfilling.
What do you find yourself needing the most help with when it comes to outsourcing accountability?
Better yet, what do you actually value?
If you’re not sure, let’s talk. Follow the link to schedule a free intro, or just email me back here.
In Health,
Coach Coty
CrossFit Mountain Island
